The Death of a Child

Photo: Jne Valokuvaus, Adobe Stock.

by Terry Zibin

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6: 23

The death of a child is one of the most painful, difficult, and sorrowful events a parent can experience. It goes against our natural reason for a parent to outlive their child—and it is especially traumatic when a child suffers before his or her death.

I write this from first-hand experience. In 1990, our daughter Hannah was born two months prematurely, and her lungs did not function as they should. Each breath Hannah took was a struggle, and it was obvious she was in distress. Hannah lived one day and then died. As parents, we watched the neonatal unit work to help Hannah by providing respiratory support and medication to open up her airway. But after these interventions, Hannah just became worse. She died as a baptized child of God.

More recently, our daughter Elizabeth died in Christ. She had been battling cancer off and on for more than nine years. Two and a half years ago, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. The cancer had spread into her lungs, liver, bones and other areas. The diagnosis was incurable. Throughout her battle with cancer, Elizabeth suffered immensely from surgeries, radiation treatments, chemotherapy, pain in her back, and an inflamed liver. In the last week of her life, her immediate family was with her and witnessed her decline, brought on by fluid in her lungs and pain in her back and stomach area. 

In moments like this, it is natural to ask: Why would God allow Christians to suffer this way? Why do children have to die? And why do adult children who have children of their own have to die?  The reality is death is inevitable. As the book of Ecclesiastes says, there is “a time to be born and a time to die” (3:2).

Upon the death of Elizabeth, the grief was tremendous. It is still ongoing. And it also triggered memories of Hannah’s death. When Hannah died, we had two other young children. Because of this, our focus was also on them, and this allowed us to move forward. But with Elizabeth’s passing—having been with her at her last moment—the memories of holding Hannah as an infant and holding her as she died came back too.

I thank God for Elizabeth and Hannah, and I know that through faith in Jesus I will be reunited with them in heaven.

I write this as I grieve the death of two daughters. A lot of tears have been shed and a lot of memories shared with family and friends. The grieving process is different for everyone. I thank God for Elizabeth and Hannah, and I know that through faith in Jesus I will be reunited with them in heaven.

So how do you get through the grief, sorrow, heartache, numbness, and trauma when your child dies? Everyone will handle death differently. But our faith as Lutheran Christians helps. I believe that the souls of those who have faith in Jesus go to heaven to live with God for eternity. And I believe that one day Jesus will return to resurrect those who have died in the faith—to reunite our souls with our bodies. In his book On Eternal Life, Johann Gerhard once summarized eternal life as “that most blissful and blessed state with which God, out of His limitless mercy, for the sake of Christ, the Mediator who is apprehended by persevering faith, will bless the godly after this life so that their souls, first separated from their bodies but then reunited with their glorified  bodies on the day or resurrection, should be freed from all miseries, sorrows, and evils to live with Christ, the holy angels, and all the elect in eternal happiness, glory, and bliss, and, clothed with the perfect knowledge of God, perfect holiness and righteousness, forever see God face to face so that they may love Him without tiring and glorify Him without wearying.”

Elizabeth is in heaven because of Christ in whom she had faith. She is freed from all the troubles of this world. Hannah is in heaven too, because she was baptized into Christ. God’s word in Genesis 17:7 states: “And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you.” All Christians share in that promise. In his book, On the Resurrection of the Dead, Gerhard writes: “Christ not only wanted to be born but also wanted to be conceived and carried in the Virgin’s womb to show that He is the Saviour even of infants still enclosed in their mother’s womb and offered to Him by devout prayers.”

Knowing Elizabeth and Hannah are in heaven brings great consolation, knowing they are experiencing bliss, happiness, and joy in being with the Lord. That doesn’t mean I don’t grieve. I will continue to grieve. It is hard for me to accept they had to die so young. But I know God is in control, and His wisdom far exceeds my comprehension. Elizabeth and Hannah are safe in the arms of Jesus. “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57.).

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Terry Zibin is a member of Grace Lutheran Church in Port Alberni, B.C.

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