It’s Been a Wash

Photo by Anna Kraemer

by David Haberstock

This last year has been a wash. It’s been a wash of worry and anxiety. Worry over the virus, over finances, over kids falling behind socially and mentally as a result of online schooling and other disruptions. Worry about churches: whether people will come back to church, whether they will fall out of the godly habit of going to church every week, whether they will fall away from faith, whether congregations will shut down, and so on.

This last year has been a wash, because we’ve all just been trying to get through this odd scenario with its ever-changing circumstances and expectations. The old concerns about growing churches, about evangelizing the community, have been subsumed under the concern of, “Can I even go to church this week?” and “How long has it been since I’ve seen my brothers and sisters in Christ and communed at the altar with them?”

This last year has been a wash. It’s been a wash of worry and anxiety.

And this “loss” of a year means there are a lot of concerns. A lot of anxieties. It means we must be charitable with each other. We need to step back and recognize that most of us have tried to make the best decisions we could with the information we had and the courage and wisdom God provided. Each of us has gotten it wrong at points. We’ve caved to fear on one side or the other. Our sinful nature and the inertia of new patterns have often rooted us in place when action of one sort or another was needed.

When all this is done, when society is back up and running again, when the bonds of family, friendship, and community re-establish themselves in the normal life-giving patterns, when we’ve begun to sort out the trauma and recover, there will be plenty of time for a post-mortem on the decisions made by governments, synodical leaders, congregational leaders, and each of us personally. And there will need to be some time where we each take stock and assess what has happened and what decisions might have been made differently so that we might grow in wisdom and the fear of the Lord.

But right now is not the time for that yet. We are still in the midst of it. And many of us are angry. But constantly living in anger, constantly going over the traumas and wrongs, being stuck in the moment of torment, is not good for any of us. We need to lament the suffering we have each undergone, the hurts, and the disappointments with our leaders. Lament it to the Lord. Pour out your complaint to Him (Psalm 142:2; 62:8).

This last year has been a wash. So I thank the Lord that He has washed me with water and His Word. That baptismal waters still cover me. That I am His beloved child washed clean of the stain of my sins of commission and omission. Thanks be to God.

Ultimately, we need to admit and confess to our Lord our disappointment with Him, with His Church, with the leaders He provided, with this world that is in His control. For there is no defending or explaining the suffering He allows to come into our lives. We simply go to God and pour out our complaint to Him. We lament to Him the fact of our suffering. And we take comfort that He hears and suffers with us.

And having lamented, just as in the Psalms of lamentation (e.g., 6, 12, 13, 22, 44, 86), the Lord heals us with faith that affirms His goodness in Christ toward us—faith in His mercy and forgiveness, won for us at Calvary. Being healed we extend grace, putting the best construction on things, recognizing that for the most part, our leaders made the best decisions they could with what information they had. This is not to say that the world has been on the side of the Church in this, for we know it is not (John 16:33), but do not attribute to malice what is just as likely due to weakness, fear, or lack of information.

We need to be charitable to one another right now. There has been room to disagree on an awful lot these last eighteen months, on a wide number of issues. We need to acknowledge that we have not behaved our best, for we are sinners. This was an extremely trying year and a half.

We need to individually and corporately confess our anger and hurt, and pour it out to the Lord. We need to strengthen the weak hands and feeble knees (Isaiah 35:3-4). Right now is a time to rebuild. A time to start again in grace and charity with one another. There are hurts. There has been fear, trauma, and mental anguish. There has been suffering, death, physical loss, financial deprivation, and devastation for some.

We must be charitable with one another, as dying people reaching out to help dying people, for none of us has done right, or at times even done well.

We leaders must be humble, and must admit that we have done poorly. I admit I have failed at many parts of my job. I have not been there for some. Not understood or been aware of the suffering of others. Given the wrong answer or wrong advice at times. Failed to be there for so many pastors and parishes. Been angry and resentful at government, at my fellow pastors, at my brothers and sisters in Christ at times. I have sinned and I plead for grace, for the forgiveness of my God, and for the forgiveness of you, my brothers and sisters.

This last year has been a wash. So I thank the Lord that He has washed me with water and His Word. That baptismal waters still cover me. That I am His beloved child washed clean of the stain of my sins of commission and omission. Thanks be to God.

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Rev. David Haberstock is Lutheran Church–Canada (LCC)’s Central Regional Pastor.

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